Just a Thought - Lawsuit

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TMO: "I'm here with Milo Van Brunt, the man who has filed a class action suit against God because he has offensive body odor, and he puts it, "...it's been really tough," and that he's gotten the ..."short end of a messy stick in life," Mr. Van Brunt is suing God for breech of contract and is seeking unspecified damages for pain and suffering.

VB: "Your technician just pinched me when he was putting on this here microphone."

TMO: "Sorry about that."

VB: "You will be once my lawyers get done with ya."

TMO: "I'm sure. Let's move on."

Van Brunt: "What's that ya say?"

TMO: "I said let's move on."

VB: "Sure thing. It's your show. For now anyways."

TMO: "Sir, tell us in your own words why you are suing God."

VB: "Well, it says here in the Good Book that God made all of this (everything) and he said it was good, but I've been here for 32 years and so far, everything sucks."

TMO: "Your life has been hard up til now?"

VB: "Well, living with my wife ain't been easy, but I wouldn't call her no cow."

TMO: "No, I asked if you've had a tough life up until now."

VB: "Oh! Yes sir, it's been the pits. I live in a bug infested trailer in my daddy's junk yard, I got warts, and I suffer from acute bromidrosis.

TMO: "Bromidrosis, that's body odor?"

VB: "ACUTE bromidrosis."

TMO: "I'll agree that it's pretty bad, but isn't that something that you can take care of by bathing?"

VB: "Does God take baths?"

TMO: "I have no idea."

VB: "Well, I've asked around and nobody can give me an answer. So, I figure God doesn't take baths. I mean; why should he? He's God. Whose gonna tell him he stinks?"

TMO: "You have a point. And you concluded that if God doesn't take baths, why should you. Is that correct?"

VB: "Yeah, so now I got acute bromidrosis..."

TMO: "...bad body odor."

VB: Whatever, and because of it, I can't hold me no job. They won't even let me stand in line at the local Tasty Freeze."

TMO: "And this is God's fault because..."

VB: "Cuz it says in the Good Book that I am made in God's image, which means I'm sorta like God."

TMO: "Except you smell."

VB: "Exactly. So I must have a defective body, which was made by God. He's responsible."

TMO: "Uh-huh. I'm sure the Evolutionists would have something to say about that. 

VB: "I ain't no revolutionist, I just want to get paid."

TMO: "No, I said Evolutionists, not revolutionist."

VB: "Same difference."

TMO: "You might have a point. So, what do you look to gain from this lawsuit?"

VB: "Gain fruit? I want more than just fruit! I want..."

TMO: "No, I said what are you looking to get out of this lawsuit?"

VB: "Oh. I want everything."

TMO: "You mean lots of money?"

VB: "No, I mean everything. I want it all; the whole enchilada."

TMO: "All of Creation?"

VB: "Yep! I figure why not go for broke?"

TMO: "Do you think you'll have a chance of winning?"

VB: "My lawyer says I ain't suppose to talk about the case strategy, but I figure we'll probably settle out of court."

TMO: "And what would you settle for?"

VB: "Earth."

TMO: "The planet Earth?"

VB: "Yes, planet Earth! Why do you keep repeating everything I say? Geez! I thought I was the one what can't hear."

TMO: "I apologize. It's just that this whole thing is incredible."

VB: "It is a good idea, ain't it? I got it from that guy out in California who is suing Apple."

TMO: "The one claiming that iPods cause hearing loss, and that Apple is responsible?"

VB: "Yep: That one. If he can do it, so can I. And what's the worse that can happen?"

TMO: "Well, your lawsuit could get thrown out of court."

VB: "And that will cost me nothing. But if I win, or even settle..."

TMO: "You could at least have Earth."

VB: "That's right. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as my daddy use to say."

TMO: "We appreciate your time Mister Van Brunt."

VB: "It was fun. Now, what's the name of your lawyer? We need to talk about getting me some compensation for being attacked with a microphone by your tech-guy."

is a writer who currently lives in Orlando, FL. He's been a Mac fan since Atari Computers folded, but has worked with computers of nearly every type for 20 years.

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